So here’s somebody’s entertaining explanation of how at bail out package from the EU works:

It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the farmers’ co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub. The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him “services” on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

A very happy Christmas and all the best for 2011 from Peterborough Business.

To celebrate all things strange and surreal about office jargon, as we ‘move forward’ into 2010, Office Angels, the UK’s leading secretarial and recruitment consultancy has sifted through the archives and compiled their top ten most ridiculous and witty office phrases that have graced the workplace through the noughties, as well as adding some new phrases for 2009.

The Office Angels definitive guide to a decade of office jargon:

1. ‘We need the right pin numbers’ (we need it to work)
2. ‘A lighthouse on a cloudy night’ (coming up with a good/bright idea)
3. ‘I’m coming into this with an open kimono’ (throwing an idea out into the open but being open to criticism)
4. ‘Let’s touch base about this offline’ (lets meet up face-to-face)
5. ‘Finger in the air figure’ (just an estimate)
6. ‘I think someone needs a bite of the reality sandwich’ (someone needs to think a bit more practically)
7. ‘Let’s run that idea up the flagpole and see if it flies’ (simply trying out an idea)
8. ‘Let’s not try to build a chestnut fence to keep the sand-dunes in’ (face a problem head on, rather than battling it unsuccessfully)
9. ‘Get all our ducks in a row’ (get everything in order)
10. ‘Expecting the moon on a stick’ (when clients have ridiculous expectations)

Although they haven’t quite made the cut, we can’t forget the more topical of phrases that have found their way into our office lingo; the dreaded CCs (credit crunch and current climate) as well as the now well acclaimed ‘credit munch’ – it’s time to wave goodbye to your favourite deli sarnie and say hello to the old fashioned packed lunch!

Commenting on the jargon we’ve been using through the noughties, David Clubb, Managing Director of Office Angels said, “Trying to talk the talk and drop in the ‘it’ office phrases isn’t particularly productive and doesn’t make you seem more professional. Whilst this jargon is amusing, my advice would be that nothing beats plain talking. If you communicate clearly then you and your team can work more effectively.”